I hate Sunday afternoons.

[rubberbutton]

1) While at my grandparents' house over Christmas break, I found some old Foxfire books. The series started in the 70's as a school project to record and preserve the folklore and traditions of rural Appalachia. Because I am unable to resist anything that provides a) useless trivia about hog dressing and moonshining or b) a valuable reference for writing or c) both, I've borrowed the whole collection -- save for volume eight, which was loaned out sometime in the early nineties and never seen again.

Here are some home remedies from the first volume that really amuse me:

FEVER: Tie a bag containing the sufferer's nail parings to a live eel. It will carry the fever away.

SPIDER BITES: If bitten by a black widow spider, drink liquor heavily from 3 P.M. To 7 P.M. You won't get drunk, you'll be healed.

And even if you're not healed, you sure won't care about the spider bite.

WARTS: Steal a neighbor's dishrag. Wipe it across the warts and bury it in the woods.

Why does it have to be a neighbor's dishrag, is my question.

WORMS: For tapeworm, starve it. Then hold some warm milk up to your nose and sniff deeply. The tapeworm will sick his head out of your nose to get the milk. Hold the milk farther and farther away from him, thus drawing him out.

... I have no words.

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2) Dammit. Broke down and started watching Merlin. It reminds me a lot of Robin Hood -- crappy, slashy, and they both took Historical Accuracy out back and beat the shit out of it with a rubber hose. It's okay, Historical Accuracy, run back to HBO where you belong.

2b) Why does merlinxarthur have 1,824 members and robinhoodslash have a measly 325? NOT FAIR.

2c) I am not so butthurt over it that I'm going to quit watching Merlin. My principles? Are flexible. I'll go where the fic is.

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3) I'll take Weird Shit You Can Buy On The Internet for a thousand, Alex. Check out this uterus plushy. The seller also seems to specialize in vagina necklaces and does -- wait for it -- vagina portraits.

“Celebrate your own beauty, and smile at the fact that when friends come over and compliment the painting they are complimenting your Vagina.”

... I'm not sure I want my friends complimenting my vagina, actually. And honestly, how sheltered would your friends have to be not to recognize this? (Sooo NSFW. Also probably not for the faint of heart.) "Gee, RB what a colorful paint--OH MY GOD." "Thanks, it's a little portrait of me I had done. I think it's a good likeness."

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about the vag love -- read the Vagina Monologues and everything -- but just because I like my vagina doesn't mean I feel the need to hang a 16" by 18" painting of it my livingroom.

Comments

[rubberbutton.livejournal.com]

I would definitely get a plush uterus for someone as a gift, but I think I could find one cuter than that. No, I know I could find one cuter than that.

Haha, I'll just bet you could. Apparently the market for plushie uteri is greater than I had previously guessed.

No comment on the vag portraits. *shudder* Okay, I guess that was a comment.

Personally? I'm thinking it's a great gift option. What do you get the woman who has everything; I'm just sayin'. I wonder if the artist offers gift certificates....

[ignazwisdom.livejournal.com]

I know there are a lot of knitting patterns out there for uteruses (uterii?). I think they'd make awesome baby gifts, personally. :)