Disclaimer: The characters may have a passing resemblance to Real People, but this story is a work of complete fiction.
Summary: Ryan Seacrest, secret woobie. Simon Cowell, well-known asshole.
A/N: This is dedicated to ignazwisdom. What can I say -- I'm an enabler.
( Oh, Igs, your enthusiasm is catching. A bit frightening, but catching. )